Can’t move on from ex because of immense guilt?

I was rude; trashed talk people in his family 24/7, b1tchy, demanding, jealous, accused him, started fights and arguments for no reason, moody, raised my voice often,
Called his family terrible terrible names..

He then left me and also did me wrong but I never blamed him, all I can do is blame myself, he caused me so much agony in the end and Still does, but k can’t hate him because of the way I behaved
How do I let this guilt stop consuming my soul,

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